KT's Further Confusion 2006 Diary

Page 5-3-3

Sunday, Jan. 22, 2006

The Adventures of Sir Robin of Foxley

Act I

Our story begins with the strumming of a lute played by that wandering bard, Allan-a-Dale, as he strolls through the woods and appears as a parrot instead of a rooster. Well, except for a false start in which the sound engineer plays the record at the wrong speed, making Allan-a-Dale sound like the Hamsterdance song. But once that's sorted out, Allan-a-Dale gives his introduction:

"Oo-de-lolly and welcome to jolly ole England! Except we aren't so jolly these days. Our good king Richard left for the Crusades, and his brother, the evil Prince John, has taken over England and taxed everyone to the poorhouse! The worst of them is that tax collector, the Sheriff of Nottingham. Look out, here he comes now!"

Allan-a-Dale quickly exits the scene, unnoticed by the Sheriff of Nottingham, who walks cautiously through the woods with his sword drawn. He is an imposing figure of a wolf, with his black hat, belt buckle, star-shaped badge, sunglasses (respect his authoritaaaah!) and official CSI: Nottin'ham tunic. He is followed by the beautiful vixen, Maid Marian.

"Now you be real careful around here, missy," he says in a somewhat disreputable rural drawl. "This forest is dangerous! This is Sherwood Forest, and it's filled with all kinds of bandits, hooligans and hoods!"

"Oh, my!" replies Maid Marian.

Suddenly, a dashing vulpine figure clad in a green tunic and hat leaps dramatically into the clearing, taking the Sheriff and Marian by surprise.

The Sheriff of Nottingham and Maid Marian meet Sir Robin of Foxley.

"Hello, I couldn't help but notice someone mention my name! Welcome to Sherwood!" He is joined by a genial lumbering bear in a similar green outfit. "I am Robin Hood, and this is Little John," says the fox.

The Sheriff snarls, "Stay back, you no-good outlaw, or I'll..."

But Robin Hood takes no notice of the Sheriff and sidesteps him. "Oh ho, and who might this be?"

"Why, I'm Maid Marian, and I don't usually speak to... outlaws!" She turns her back on him.

Robin Hood moves around and looks Marian in the face. "Well, I don't usually get to speak to such a beautiful lady as yourself!"

"I dunno, Rob, I don't think we should be messin' with royalty," says Little John.

"Now stay away from her, you varmint!" snaps the Sheriff. "I'm to escort the fair Maid Marian to Nottingham Castle, and you better get outta our way!" He brandishes his sword and raises his shield emblazoned with the figures "01", given to him by his mentor, General Lee. Robin Hood draws his own sword and begins to clash metal with the Sheriff. Little John gets the drop on the Sheriff, allowing Robin Hood to grab his sword away.

"Ye who would rob the poor, now taste what it's like to be defenseless!" says Robin, pointing his sword at the Sheriff, who is now quaking in his boots. Suddenly the Sheriff tosses down his shield and grabs Maid Marian, putting her between himself and Robin Hood's drawn sword.

"Now you stay back, you bandit, or she gets it!"

"Oh, you brute!" cries Marian.

The Sheriff can't resist letting his paw wander lecherously down into Maid Marian's bodice. Suddenly, with a loud SNAP!, he withdraws his paw, revealing a large rat trap snapped onto his fingers.

The Sheriff of Nottingham discovers Maid Marian's booby trap.

Outnumbered and screaming in pain, he dashes madly out of the clearing.

"What the deuce was that?" asks Robin Hood.

"Oh, that was just my booby trap," giggles Marian.

End of Act I